Wednesday, March 15, 2017

3 Excerpts from a Con Artist Story

To be realistic, writers have to research stuff.  Unfortunately, I'm one of those people who would rather guess at what con artists are like than actually look up what they do.  That's why the con artist story I wrote a long time ago ended up involving not just money, but also rare gems, magic jewelry, and high-tech robots.  But what would be the fun in not using rare gems, magic jewelry, and high-tech robots?  Sometimes when I'm writing with zero intent to publish or even share with anyone (no one would want to publish it anyway), I like to write as wacky as I possibly can, for the sheer fun of it.  The results are often disturbing, but always awesome.

I recently found a notebook containing my aforementioned con artist story, having not worked on it in a long time, and let me just say - it's one of my most creative pieces of writing. Now, I'm not going to share the entire thing with you (because that would be embarrassing), but I thought it might be fun to give you a few excerpts.  It's about a team of con artist teenagers who are in constant conflict with their con artist rivals.

Warm up some popcorn and enjoy this sneak peek!

from the narration of the one of the team members, Will

"Check out Pinchers over there," I said, tilting my head in the crab's direction.

Angie followed my gaze.  "Hmm."  We approached it cautiously and squatted down on either side of it.  There wasn't anything unusual or unnatural about the creature, but if we didn't double-check, Sarah would be furious.  Plus, Dr. Rita Hoffman was the most skilled robotics expert on the planet.  Not that anyone outside of the thief/con artist world would know that.  As much as Dr. Hoffman hungered for fame, she was a criminal and kept a low profile.

Angie reached out and touched the shell with three of her fingertips.  Just as she was starting to run them across it, she jerked back.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Too smooth."  Angie stood up and backed away, motioning for me to follow suit.  "Will, it's a robot."

No sooner were the words out of her mouth than the crab turned to me, eyes flashing red over and over to further confirm that it was indeed one of Dr. Hoffman's creations.

from the narration of one of the other team members, Hunter

"Let's start with Grace and Hunter.  Long story short, what happened?"

Grace licked her orange fingers one by one and said, "I stole the first Ruby of Cairo, took a plane to France, scaled the Eiffel Tower to meet up with Hunter, got confronted by Sebastian, knocked him unconscious, and took the V.D.  That's a two for one!"

"Woot!" I slapped her a high-five, then added, "I'm the one who whacked Sebastian's noggin, though."

"Currently, the ruby and the Vaporization Device are locked in the vault," Sarah said. "Now, Sebastian is probably plotting as we speak to take back what he rightfully stole, so be watchful."

I slapped a hand to my forehead.  "Great!  I haven't installed the motion-sensing burglar alarms yet!"

from the narration of yet another team member, Angie

Pulling out my phone, I hacked into a couple of the FBI's private files until I found the one I wanted.  To my relief, the mall he was at was only a few blocks from the donut shop.  No subway rides required!  But chances were good that Dad wouldn't be there until morning, meaning that I would have to relax - somehow - until tomorrow.

I didn't have a backpack, so I tiptoed back downstairs and hunted around until I found Sarah's black one, which had been through so many crazy missions (stuff you can't even imagine) that it was close to falling apart. Still, it could survive plenty more.  A special backpack, this one.

Raiding the fridge, I filled it with snacks, bottles of water, a flashlight, and my wallet. From its secret hiding place under a loose tile in the bathroom floor, I also slipped in my Taser.  Don't ask me how I got it because it's a long story - one that involves a briefcase, a cute guy, and a not-so-cute cop - and I don't like to think about it.  Just know that I've always admired Tasers and that I don't regret stealing it from that policeman, no matter how drastic the consequences had been. (excerpt ends)

Let me remind you that I gave myself completely over to enjoyment, not quality, as I was writing this.  I hope you enjoyed it, but even if you thought it was painful, I'm satisfied with the fact that I had as much fun writing it as I did :D


  1. This seems like a very interesting story. I particularly enjoyed Hunter's POV, I thought he was very funny.

    Keep up the awesome work!

    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it! I never finished it and I didn't know where I was going with it anyway, but it still has some potential. So yeah :D
      Thank you for your encouragement! (And Hunter IS awesome!)


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